Anti-Valentine
by MsNita
Summary: DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters of Hellsing, but Alucard does come in handy for a bad Valentine's Day. This is NOT Cupid friendly, so DON'T if you're pro-Valentine.


**Okay, to say that I hate Valentine's Day puts it lightly to say the least. So, I decided to vent about it in my own little way.**

...

To say Alucard was confused was an understatement in of itself. It had been a few days and Portal's mood was gradually growing more foul. Today was one of those few days he'd be out and about. He wasn't much of a romantic after his birth as a vampire, but he could appreciate the human need for companionship around the holidays, especially Valentine's Day.

However, Portal was being less than cooperative with the idea of any form of companionship. Normally, she was like his shadow, but lately, she would stay holed up somewhere.

He decided it was high time to figure out the source of her hostile reclusiveness. When he entered her room, he was surprised to see that she wasn't there. Moving closer to her bed, he could see a multitude of sketches on her bed. He picked up a few to see her latest work.

There were pictures of fierce women with weapons that certainly intrigued him. The more recent the pictures were, the more forlorn the characters appeared. One that was finished yesterday actually tugged at his heartstrings as he gazed at a forlorn beauty with a bleeding heart-shaped hole in her chest.

The most recent piece was probably the loudest and most violent. Alucard didn't know whether he should be impressed or disturbed by it. It had what he could only assume was dear, old Cupid hanging on a meathook. Gutted from navel to groin, his entrails were spilling out onto the floor as well as wrapping around his neck. One of his wings dangled broken behind him while his limbs were hanging by bits of skin and muscle. It truly was a gruesome picture to behold.

"So, Valentine's Day is the source of her foul mood," Alucard said to himself.

With that, he dropped the sketches on her bed and exited her room. It shouldn't have to take a genius to figure out why she obviously loathed the holiday. It would take some time to gather what he needed to try and make up for what he assumed was a lifetime of disappointing Valentine holidays.

He had his trademark grin n when he saw Portal stalking over to him. She mumbled at him to let her enter her room, but he just moved in front of her. His grin only grew wider when she actually scowled at him.

"Alucard, I'm not in the mood for games," she snapped.

"It's a good thing that there won't be any then," he replied, lifting her up over his shoulder like a sack of flour.

He took her to a room Integra had placed a rather large television in. A bowl of popcorn and a few sodas were sitting on the comfy couch directly across from the tv. Next to the tv was a stack of horror movies as well as a few violent movies of other genres. Most of them were actually from her private collection, others were some that she had yet to buy or even watch.

She begrudgingly sat on the couch as he put in ALIEN, the movie that started her love for these violent films. He didn't complain as she placed the popcorn on the other side of his lap and used him as a pillow while she sprawled over the rest of the couch. He understood her to be a creature of comfort, and he really couldn't argue with that logic himself.

For the rest of Valentine's they simply enjoyed watching people's blood being spilt and monsters of all sorts wreaking havoc. They would occasionally chuckle over jokes at another person's expense or the dark humor that could be found in a certain kill. Alucard's sides were practically in stitches as Portal exclaimed that Michael was strangling the girl the wrong way. She certainly did have a dark humor about her.

As night fell, Portal was sleeping through one of the more dull, plotless movies. Alucard couldn't blame her. He loved a good bloodbath, but it wasn't always enjoyable to watch a movie that had gore but no rhyme or reason to it. Turning everything off, he picked her up and carried her to her room.

After tucking her in, he left a blue rose on her nightstand. He stepped out of her rom to see Integra standing outside with her own little smirk. He turned to head to his coffin to sleep the night away, since he had stayed awake all day and nothing interesting was going to happen.

"So, the big, bad vampire can be a big softie," she teased.

"If I recall, there was a time when you hated Valentine's Day, too," he countered.

"Yes, but I don't think I was so young," she said in turn, "nor do I recall hating it for the reasons she does."

"I don't think you hated it with the same level of intensity either," he commented. "Well, until tomorrow, my Master."

"Tomorrow," Integra concurred, heading to her own bed.

Alucard made his way to where his coffin resided. Instead of entering his coffin though, he sat in his chair. He drifted off gazing upon a glass of blood wine.

He continued to sleep when dawn came, knowing if permitted, Portal would sleep until noon. If woken, she would simply go through the motions until noon came around. Either way, he wouldn't be bothered until then, unless she was still in a sour mood. He wouldn't know until then.

He was alarmed when someone slammed into him, giving him a kiss on the cheek. He looked at Portal groggily as she stated her salutations happily. He smiled sleepily when she held up a pack of freshly donated blood.

"Don't worry, Mr. Boogeyman," she said in her sing-song manner, "the Valentine storm has blown over."

With that, she ripped open the pack and handed it over to him. As he gradually sipped the blood, she ran her fingers through his hair. There were spots where she would stop and massage his head. If he wasn't eating at the moment, he swore he would have started purring. This was a habit he could definitely get into.

...

**Alucard: That sounds like an intriguing picture of Cupid.**

**SP: Uh huh**

**Snape: There are women around the world who might praise you for that picture.**

**Alucard: And some who would try and burn her for it.**

**SP: I don't give a damn. If they want to burn me, then I'll just delete them.**

**Snape: Touch-y.**

**Alucard: Indeed.**


End file.
